Amor y Guerra

I’m resting in that sacred place of memories where good and bad and fucking wonderful have all staked out little casitas in my brain marking their turf on my heart, flickering right behind these old soul brown eyes that could always see you, could always see

I rub the back of my neck where my trensa used to hang in a straight black rope that tied my india self to my white gurl self my boi self as you used to pull my hair together so tightly deftly weaving together the strands of magic that made this warrior’s heart beat harder stronger

You member that early morning. finally the plane landed and there you were. there I was. there we were so uncertain. so afraid and so brave. fierce were we as we leapt over chasms of geography and change dancing to unknown melodies that had your name thumping in the base line. my name riffing as a power chord and both of our names pounding to the drum beat of anticipation. excitement. finally – at last

We swirled together all blood tears heart hurt passion sweeter than ice cream harder than razor blades your blue black hair a curtain we laid under as we whispered hopes and dreams of Mariposa and through it all we drank the bitter wine of loss that gave us both cirrhosis of the heart a deathly indigestion that never went away no matter what day time week month year

These memories like sea glass all burnished by waves tossed up on the shore where I pick through them smiling and laughing some threaten tears and still I look at the us that was. the us that ended. the all of us I gather up all of these tesoros so tenderly held and breathe through. remembering loss. the end. the last day I push some of the old ones over. elders in need of rest clearing the shelf to make way for all the new memorias yet to be made to fill these shelves to burn bright as my own sun sets between the mountains of this beautiful life that was all the more so because I hold memorias of you… por siempre