TAMO

What a journey this has been! A bittersweet sampler of grief, renewal, enduring love and the joyous rediscovery of self. Some times we can get caught up and lose ourselves in another's journey. We don't mean to and they don't mean for us to, yet without our realizing it, we find ourselves lost.

All of our lives we have been programmed to believe that if you just have love, it will be enough to see you through anything. I don't believe that's quite true anymore. Yes, love is critically important to the equation. But sometimes a love can be so great and undeniable, yet still not enough ultimately in all of the factors that dictate how we relate to each other as human beings. Especially as couples.

Love often means that one or both in a relationship will have to sacrifice some significant aspect of their dreams, hopes and desires in order to compromise and keep the relationship afloat. Often times these sacrifices are the first toll of the death knell for the relationship. It's hard to negotiate the desires of self while balancing the desires of the other person while having to juggle the stability of the "we".

Regrettably we often fail to discuss before hand in detail the nuts and bolts of the how to be a couple; the wants, dreams, desires, how to handle money, where to live, the long range vision of the future, etc... Instead we willingly fling ourselves headlong with wild abandon into love's deepest pool. Only to find after the fact that we can't swim and no one thought to bring along a life jacket.

Despite these hardships, the near drowning, we don't give up on love nor do we give up on trying. It is for most of us in our nature to love and to desire love and to seek love. It's what we do with it afterwards that always seems to be the struggle.

As I have traversed this journey that began in loss, it often seemed an insurmountable pain, a mortal wound. And then one day it was easier and I could breathe again, my heart resumed its faithful beat; peace flowed though my veins, immersing my soul and mind and I knew that I was more than okay.

A greater gift was the discovery that despite the grieving, the anger, hurt and pain, the love itself was still true. Sometimes something "just is", it may not look anything like what we originally thought we wanted, but it's a grand thing to realize that different isn't worse or bad. In some cases, different can be just fine!