Recently Arkansas saw a
whirlwind of same sex couples rushing to courthouses around the state in an
effort to enter into the bonds of matrimony with their significant other.
Afraid that the courts will stay the issuance of marriage licenses, couples
have had to hurry their weddings with little or no time to bring together their
family and friends.
Dee Dee Coleman and Freeman Toniah - Just Married |
I personally know many of
these couples. My heart is filled with joy at their happiness at being able to
engage in what is an American, nay, a worldwide cultural tradition. One that
has been taught to us our entire childhood - that you will meet that special
someone, fall in love and one day marry them. But then we grew up and
discovered that if the special someone we met and fell in love with was of the
same gender then it didn't really mean us.
When we came to understand
this it was a painful discovery on multiple fronts. Not only could we not
engage in the marriage ceremonies that were reminiscent of those we had grown
up seeing all of our lives, we would also be denied all of the legal rights
associated with marriage. It meant that the 1,138 civil laws that are attached
to marriage are not for us, it meant that we couldn't be listed as joint
parents when we have children as a couple - causing multiple parenting
difficulties, it meant that we couldn't access the benefits of marriage that
are provided for many employees and their spouses, it meant that we needed
complicated and expensive legal documents to protect our property and family in
the event one of us fell ill, or worse yet died, and it meant that despite
paying the same tax dollars - we would be denied full civil and human rights.
Being denied the rights of
marriage reinforces all of the rhetoric of homophobia that has made too many of
our fellow Arkansans believe that it is okay to harm us with law, words and
deed. Throughout our lives we are
bullied in school and even into our adult years. It is more than likely that a
great many of us will suffer some form of physical harm to ourselves and/or our
property. Some of us will be disowned, kicked out of our homes and far too many
of us will not make it through.
The inequities that LGBTQ
people face in Arkansas as well as many other parts of the country don’t stop
with marriage. We are vulnerable regarding employment, housing and accessing
public accommodations because we are not included in the civil rights laws of
this nation, nor this state. If we are any combination of people of color,
poor, transgender, immigrant, youth, or elders then our disenfranchisement as
LGBTQ people is compounded by institutional oppression that squeeze our lives
even harder.
The mistreatment of the
LGBTQ community has been deeply rooted in political gain by those who have
cloaked their avarice in scripture and holy water. They have continued to render
us as an “other” - to be feared and denied equality. The reality is that the
only real fear is that which LGBTQ people endure. Fear is an integral part of
our lives, sometimes front and center, other times lurking in the background
because you never know when someone will target you with word, law or deed. Yet
despite these many struggles and barriers, we live our lives with courage and
hope, for it takes fortitude to live in a world that denies you at every turn.
We continue to fall in love, create our families and live and work in our
communities.
As I watch the events
unfolding around marriage equality my heart feels as if it will burst from all
of the happiness. Couples, some with their children, laughing and smiling, saying
“I do.” Tears pouring freely because at last they are able to wed, gaining all
of the emotional and practical well-being that this brings to their family.
The courts will have another
go before it’s all finalized in regard to marriage equality. To be sure there
will sadly be those who will continue to vilify us and actively seek to deny our
access to equality, using our lives and families as political footballs.
However, I am hopeful that as Arkansas bends, however grudgingly, toward the end of the moral arc of justice that our equality is within reach. It is long past the time for Arkansas to embrace all of its residents and remove the multiple barriers to full inclusion. And we as a state will ultimately be the better for it. Because we in the LGBTQ community are as we have ever been - your family, friends, co-workers and neighbors. We too are Arkansas.
However, I am hopeful that as Arkansas bends, however grudgingly, toward the end of the moral arc of justice that our equality is within reach. It is long past the time for Arkansas to embrace all of its residents and remove the multiple barriers to full inclusion. And we as a state will ultimately be the better for it. Because we in the LGBTQ community are as we have ever been - your family, friends, co-workers and neighbors. We too are Arkansas.
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