April 25 - I Remember

The prompt was about remembering


I Remember 

the first time that my door creaked open in the still of night
the way he slid into my bed covers shushing my alarm
the fear that tripled the jackhammer beat of my heart
wild rabbit scared squirming to escape the pen of his arms

I Remember
The quietly roaring screaming whispers of his threats
I will kill your brothers kill them all dead if you tell
I will kill you rip out your heart and feed it to your mother
before I eat her heart and kill her as dead as you

I Remember
The daytime it was as though nothing had happened
as if the blood on my sheets a stigmata appeared
extra comics special treats new clothes trips to the store
payments for what was done to me in the dark of night

I Remember
The shame, the fear, the loneliness, the hurt, the rage
swallowing my guilt like milk and cookies before bed
chair at the door tightly wrapped little mummy in my quilt
unanswered prayers teach me that God’s deaf and blind

I Remember
Learning to sleep in boots jeans razor edged knife
reaching under my pillow for the second knife hidden
the last time that he came for me my armor he found
though he tried to reach through my blade did he find

I Remember
That no words were exchanged the blade at his throat
the agreement silently made that I would not kill him
slowly upright he sat on the side of my bed and wept
for what I couldn’t tell the loss of his toy or death’s proximity

I Remember
The firestorm of madness ignited by those evening visits
as the fuel of grief stricken insanity burnt me to the ground
swimming to the bottom of 90 proof bottles only to drown
punching veins, nostrils and lungs just please take me higher

I Remember
The next man touched me after him asked did I mind
blade in hand fury beyond words I assured him I did
the times after that men’s hands caught me unawares
as a dyke raped again to keep me in my woman's place

I Remember
All of the raping touching grabbing pinching and leering
the nasty suggestions that they’d love to make real
tried a lot of places at a friend’s or on the street or at work
a constant fight to keep prying evil hands and dicks away

I Remember
Not a one of these things happened in a public bathroom
not a one of these things happened in a public bathroom
not a one of these things happened in a public bathroom
not a one of these things happened in a public bathroom

I Remember…