Amor y Guerra

I’m resting in that sacred place of memories where good and bad and fucking wonderful have all staked out little casitas in my brain marking their turf on my heart, flickering right behind these old soul brown eyes that could always see you, could always see

I rub the back of my neck where my trensa used to hang in a straight black rope that tied my india self to my white gurl self my boi self as you used to pull my hair together so tightly deftly weaving together the strands of magic that made this warrior’s heart beat harder stronger

You member that early morning. finally the plane landed and there you were. there I was. there we were so uncertain. so afraid and so brave. fierce were we as we leapt over chasms of geography and change dancing to unknown melodies that had your name thumping in the base line. my name riffing as a power chord and both of our names pounding to the drum beat of anticipation. excitement. finally – at last

We swirled together all blood tears heart hurt passion sweeter than ice cream harder than razor blades your blue black hair a curtain we laid under as we whispered hopes and dreams of Mariposa and through it all we drank the bitter wine of loss that gave us both cirrhosis of the heart a deathly indigestion that never went away no matter what day time week month year

These memories like sea glass all burnished by waves tossed up on the shore where I pick through them smiling and laughing some threaten tears and still I look at the us that was. the us that ended. the all of us I gather up all of these tesoros so tenderly held and breathe through. remembering loss. the end. the last day I push some of the old ones over. elders in need of rest clearing the shelf to make way for all the new memorias yet to be made to fill these shelves to burn bright as my own sun sets between the mountains of this beautiful life that was all the more so because I hold memorias of you… por siempre

Lunching with Ladies for Peace at the Governor's Mansion

So, it was a very nice luncheon at the Governor's mansion today, lots of good people in the room, many I consider friends. The keynote speaker Senator Lena Taylor gave a terrific speech. In case you don't know, Sen. Taylor was one of the 14 Wisconsin legislators who in 2007 left the state rather than be forced to vote on a bill put up by the Governor for supposed "budget repair" that would take away the collective bargaining rights on benefits for public employees . She spoke about that and other things and like the speakers before her, she called for justice for women in all things, well all things that is except for equality for women who are Lesbian, Bi, Transgender or Queer (LBTQ)

Some days I think my head may blow off if I sit in one more room where well meaning purveyors of social justice and civil rights trumpet the call for what is right, but continue to deny the recognition and inclusion of LBTQ people in that dialog. The luncheon's presenters spoke from an assumption of heterosexuality and did not include or recognize queer women, their families, and their struggles. I sat and looked around seeing the numerous "rainbow people" in the room. I wondered if they  too felt left out of the conversation.

Continuously I have been told during my time here in AR to not rock the boat, don't be too gay or in their face. Don't let your transgender members sit on the front row in a legislative hearing, etc. To let the ones who have access (translation- assimilated, with privilege and mostly white) get the job done. Oh yeah, and let's do it quietly.

It took everything I had today to not leap out of my chair and exclaim well and good, how right all that was being said was... BUT! I'd sure appreciate it if I could hear acknowledgement and inclusion of Lesbian, Gay, Bi, Transgender and Queer (LGBTQ) Americans to be at the table as an integral part of any conversation about women and access to justice. About any Americans and their access to justice. The bathroom in the Governor's mansion has printed hand towels that say, "Governor's Mansion, Little Rock, AR". So here I am, a queer taxpayer paying for the printed paper towels in the mansion (and much more) and treated like a second class citizen...still!

Countless LGBTQ people have been an integral part of the vanguards and armies for social justice and civil rights movements in this country. We still are today. For decades we have fought for the rights of others with no reassurance that there would ever be any equality for ourselves. We have done this not for glory nor fame, we have done this because it was the right thing to do. Justice demanded it, our conscience insisted and our brother's and sisters needed us.

I greatly appreciate all those who have fought for my rights as a woman. But there is a deep disconnect when as a queer woman I remain in need of justice. The lack of equal recognition under the law informs every decision in my life, where I work, live, play, my parenting, access to health care, etc.  The truth is that my queerness often supersedes any rights or concessions gained for my gender or my birthrights as a citizen. This is further compounded by the unwillingness of many other women to stand for me/us and insist that I/we too be recognized as equal. This silence helps to perpetuate the condition of inequality. At every turn their "faith" is touted as the bedrock for their denial of my/our rights and often serves as the justification for their active participation in denying myself and the LGBTQ community equality. I am appalled by the mass historical amnesia of the days that the same "good book" denied women their humanity and their equality.

We can no longer afford to be satisfied while a few farm out dribs and drabs of equality, the rights of women every where are under assault! As women we must stand together, march right on past, breaking them down and going beyond the imposed and self-internalized barriers of race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, country of origin, class, gender identity, ability, age, etc.

I long for and will continue to work for the day a room full of women of all stripes stand together in Arkansas and on the front end include and name the struggle of their queer Arkansas sisters! Peace and Justice will come all the sooner when we are every one equal at the table.

All in all it was a very nice lunch, I greatly appreciated the opportunity to attend. I also understand that it probably never occurred to the organizers to include a queer woman's voice, victories, etc. as an important part of the issues of women. Interestingly enough during the meal I overheard many lament that while the salad we were given for lunch was nice, they wanted more. I completely understood that. I understand the desire for more, the desire to be filled...with equality.

I turn 57 in a few days. I have seen momentous gains for equality that I never thought to see. And while this is wonderful, it is not, it will NEVER be enough until ALL of my LGBTQ brothers and sisters are fully invested in the same rights and responsibilities under the law as our fellow Arkansans and Americans. I/We want more than a salad. I/We want the whole enchilada and I/We want all of my/our sisters to help me/us get there.