What a journey this has been! A bittersweet sampler
of grief, renewal, enduring love and the joyous rediscovery of self. Some
times we can get caught up and lose ourselves in another's journey. We don't
mean to and they don't mean for us to, yet without our realizing it, we find
ourselves lost.
All of our lives we have been programmed to
believe that if you just have love, it will be enough to see you through
anything. I don't believe that's quite true anymore. Yes, love is critically
important to the equation. But sometimes a love can be so great and undeniable,
yet still not enough ultimately in all of the factors that dictate how we
relate to each other as human beings. Especially as couples.
Love often means that one or both in a
relationship will have to sacrifice some significant aspect of their
dreams, hopes and desires in order to compromise and keep the relationship
afloat. Often times these sacrifices are the first toll of the death knell for
the relationship. It's hard to negotiate the desires of self while balancing
the desires of the other person while having to juggle the stability of the
"we".
Regrettably we often fail to discuss before
hand in detail the nuts and bolts of the how to be a couple;
the wants, dreams, desires, how to handle money, where to live, the long
range vision of the future, etc... Instead we willingly
fling ourselves headlong with wild abandon into love's deepest
pool. Only to find after the fact that we can't swim and no one
thought to bring along a life jacket.
Despite these hardships, the near drowning, we
don't give up on love nor do we give up on trying. It is for most of us in
our nature to love and to desire love and to seek love. It's what we do with it
afterwards that always seems to be the struggle.
As I have traversed this journey that
began in loss, it often seemed an insurmountable pain, a mortal wound. And
then one day it was easier and I could breathe again, my heart resumed its
faithful beat; peace flowed though my veins, immersing my soul and
mind and I knew that I was more than okay.
A greater gift was the discovery that despite
the grieving, the anger, hurt and pain, the love itself was still true.
Sometimes something "just is", it may not look anything like what we
originally thought we wanted, but it's a grand thing to realize that different
isn't worse or bad. In some cases, different can be just fine!
