TAMO

What a journey this has been! A bittersweet sampler of grief, renewal, enduring love and the joyous rediscovery of self. Some times we can get caught up and lose ourselves in another's journey. We don't mean to and they don't mean for us to, yet without our realizing it, we find ourselves lost.

All of our lives we have been programmed to believe that if you just have love, it will be enough to see you through anything. I don't believe that's quite true anymore. Yes, love is critically important to the equation. But sometimes a love can be so great and undeniable, yet still not enough ultimately in all of the factors that dictate how we relate to each other as human beings. Especially as couples.

Love often means that one or both in a relationship will have to sacrifice some significant aspect of their dreams, hopes and desires in order to compromise and keep the relationship afloat. Often times these sacrifices are the first toll of the death knell for the relationship. It's hard to negotiate the desires of self while balancing the desires of the other person while having to juggle the stability of the "we".

Regrettably we often fail to discuss before hand in detail the nuts and bolts of the how to be a couple; the wants, dreams, desires, how to handle money, where to live, the long range vision of the future, etc... Instead we willingly fling ourselves headlong with wild abandon into love's deepest pool. Only to find after the fact that we can't swim and no one thought to bring along a life jacket.

Despite these hardships, the near drowning, we don't give up on love nor do we give up on trying. It is for most of us in our nature to love and to desire love and to seek love. It's what we do with it afterwards that always seems to be the struggle.

As I have traversed this journey that began in loss, it often seemed an insurmountable pain, a mortal wound. And then one day it was easier and I could breathe again, my heart resumed its faithful beat; peace flowed though my veins, immersing my soul and mind and I knew that I was more than okay.

A greater gift was the discovery that despite the grieving, the anger, hurt and pain, the love itself was still true. Sometimes something "just is", it may not look anything like what we originally thought we wanted, but it's a grand thing to realize that different isn't worse or bad. In some cases, different can be just fine!

And the Thunder Rolls...

Laying abed listening to the early morning thunder rumbling, the steady booming waves of sound that are rattling my eyes open; I am struck by the thought, "Is this how some think the voice of God sounds?" And then my brain is off running down rabbit trails of thought about God(s) and those who follow.

I've often thought that organized religion has come to be a sanctuary, a seat of power for far too many who's intentions for the flock are less than altruistic. In fact I'd go so far as to say that given the history of the Christian church with its recorded truth of centuries of misdeeds that include the systematic subjugation of women and children, countless wars, torture, rape, murder, theft of property, etc. this must certainly be true. If one thinks about all of the harm committed against innocents by those in clerical garb it is easy to believe that these bastions of Christ have been regularly co-opted by self-serving sadists, pedophiles, serial killers, murderers, thieves, and war mongers blighting the true believers with their chicanery. Robed and garbed in their sanctimony they stand aloof from the suffering they've dealt, their prayers bloody utterances of doom to the unsuspecting believers reaching even beyond to those of other religious persuasions or non at all.

From these big thoughts there's another turn down the rabbit burrow leading to a smaller, select population of those whose lives have been made difficult by the bias propagated by the Christian church; lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and queer people (LGBTQ). This group is the very last group of people that continues to be legally disenfranchised in the U.S. on the basis of religious beliefs. Our civil rights (those given by the government) continuously abridged by churches. Families, friends, employers, and many more swayed by purveyors of the "good book" standing in pulpits cherry picking the Bible as if it were an armory. With fervent exhortations these supposed people of God call on our loved ones to have faith in an unseen deity and to deny that which is tangible - the reality of our humanity and our suffering at their prayer laden hands.

Maybe it's the pouring rain, maybe the cumulative effects of the past week, but all I want to do is weep. I mourn for the countless members of this community who have been victims of one of the greatest weapons of mass destruction, the Bible. Disowned by their families, broken hearted, tortured in the hall ways of their schools, those who succumbed to addiction to self-medicate the pain, the terrified, the many who took their own lives, the many more beaten, abused and far too many murdered.

It all defies the concept of a loving God and his/her disciples. And yet, in my momentary despair I am reminded and thankful for those churches and people of faith who have rejected this holy war campaign against LGBTQ people. The many wonderful faithful who have embraced us, who tend our wounded hearts, who champion our rights. I am grateful for those churches who welcome the LGBTQ community in their midst, allowing them to remain connected to their faith. For me, Christianity stole my mother and my brothers from me for far too many years of my life. I have a hard time sitting in churches. But I don't feel that I am without spiritual comfort, my beliefs and spirituality simply do not rely on a church pew to sustain my soul.

 But even in that moment of joy the painful reality intrudes, we of the LGBTQ community are still so long from deliverance. Before this is done, there will be more bullies, more parental rejections, more suffering, more harm, more murders, more suicides all because there still remains the religious who campaign so ruthlessly, so relentlessly against our rights and it would seem, our very lives. And for the millionth time I wonder who is God really talking to? I wish I knew, but I can't say as the rumbling outside continues and there's no translation as the thunder rolls.

Could We Just be Civil About Civil Rights?

“Today I have seen those who claim to be Christ's followers proudly shroud themselves in a mantle of their own defined Christian bigotry believing it to be impenetrable to the mighty wheels of justice. And like all before us we will not rest until we are each and every one equal!” ~Romo~

LGBTQ people calling out those who fund efforts to keep us from civil rights and calling out the efforts to legalize the execution of LGBTQ in another country is NOT an attack on Christianity or free speech. But at the same time let’s be very clear. We are engaging in our own right to free speech and calling out the systemic bigotry that has dictated our lack of full access to protections and inclusion in civil right laws.

We are indeed discussing issues of civil rights in regard to access and retention of employment, housing, and access to public accommodations such as restaurants, doctors, hotels, theaters, etc. It is legal to deny us these things based on our sexual orientation or gender identity. And let’s not forget that there are over 1,138 rights granted by federal laws tied to marriage making this very plainly an issue of civil rights!

Christians in America are not being bullied and beaten up in their schools for their religion; they are not denied access to jobs, places to live, or stores based on their beliefs. They aren't savagely beaten and even murdered because of who they are. Christian youth aren't being thrown out of their homes by their parents. These young people aren't killing themselves in unprecedented numbers because no one accepts their sexual orientation or gender identity.

But this is what happens to LGBTQ people, every single day in America. And it is the mentality of those who commit these heinous acts that is very much supported by the donations of folks like this company's owner.

Church's and their members if they feel compelled to make laws can make all they want for their church. But when it comes to the civil rights of American tax payers all religions need to stay in their own house and deal with their own back yard. We don’t want to make laws for your churches, we don’t want to take away your right to worship as you choose, heck we don’t even want to force you to stop being homophobic. We don’t want to force your churches to marry us. But what we do ask, no what we INSIST on is that churches stop taking their belief systems into the halls of our legislatures codifying their beliefs into laws that oppress and disenfranchise other citizens.

The reality is that these same folks would be up in arms if another faith tried to dictate by law what rights they could and couldn’t have. This is no different.

The Bible so often the favored weapon of mass destruction has for centuries been used to rob people of wealth and property. It has been used to torture, wound, maim and even kill millions of people. It has been the basis of wars and more wars. It has been used to keep many other people from equality.  It wasn't that long ago that interpretation of it supported slavery and keeping women from equal rights.

The Bible has about 24 passages that clearly support the institution of slavery. But we clearly and rightfully do know that slavery is wrong! There are far less passages (6) about gay people. Yet good people, including the many who are heirs of the horrors of slavery rush to bash and condemn LGBTQ people with the very same book that was used to legitimize the enslavement of their own ancestors.

As a Mexican-American I get this treatment from many of my own and I am so perplexed at the historical amnesia of those who abuse me with their Bible. My ancestors had Christianity forced on them by Spanish priests while the people were enslaved to the Spaniards in Mexico. After they killed off millions of my ancestors they then brought 3-5 hundred thousand Africans to Mexico for slave labor along with hundreds of thousands of Asian-Pacific Islanders.

When our own people Latinos and African-Americans wave Bibles at us to keep us from equality they support those who forced this religion on their ancestors. Africans who were abducted and forcibly brought to this country were not Christians just as my Mexican ancestors were not.

I believe all should have the right and freedom to follow the religion of their choice.  I adamantly support the rights of churches to worship as they please. But I also believe that we all have the right to be free from religion, especially when it seeks to keep a complete

group of people from equality under the law of our Constitution and the 14^th Amendment. According to those documents, we already are equal under the law.

As for marriage, it has a long and convoluted history and it was more about wealth, property and borders. Women had little say in who or if they married and none on bearing children. It was not the romance based version we have today. Furthermore, all marriages are not tied to religious rites. There are civil marriages that require no religious oversight. Also, there are many churches who want to join same sex couples in matrimony.

Our marriages in no way affect straight ones. What has happened to families and straight marriage has nothing to do with us. Instead of all these folks spending millions upon millions of dollars to HURT LGBTQ people how much more like Christ’s teaching would it be to direct those funds to help families stay together with access to marriage counseling, affordable housing, affordable health care, affordable quality childcare and living wage jobs; the real things that cause marriages to struggle. Not LGBTQ people. 

A reminder. One more time. Say it with me. Civil rights are those given by our government. Not churches.

Just sayin....

Prejudice and Bigotry With a Side of Waffle Fries

Banning Chik-Fil-A is not the right answer...although it has made me happy to hear so many cities opposing what they do...However! We cannot not take away their rights in order to gain our own. But we can and must...vigorously and vocally make known what they are doing.

Their money to the tune of 5 million dollars has supported the efforts to try and make it legal to execute homosexuals in Uganda, they have funded the Family Research Council an organization listed as a hate group by Southern Poverty Law Center, they have given money to the National Organization for Marriage, and they have funded Exodus an organization that uses reparative therapy in an attempt to cure gays, despite every credible mental health institution in the country saying that not only does it not work, it is harmful.

We want our families, friends, neighbors and co-workers to know...if you eat there, this is what your money goes to. The owner has every right to say, as he has, that same sex marriage will bring the wrath of God down on this country. And we have every right to say, we disagree.

All that is wrong with this country is not because of the LGBTQ community, what has happened to families is not our fault. The broken economy, homes being repossessed, unemployment, skyrocketing prices on food, gas, medical care and durable goods, astronomical amounts of money much of it unaccounted for, that was spent on an illegal armed conflict in Iraq. It is the fault of those who have put greed above the interests of human beings; those who have used our lives as a political football in the culture wars in an attempt to deflect from their duplicity. And it is also those who have condemned us from their pulpits as a means to generate income in their offering plates.

Equality it is inevitable. And each time we stand up and demand it, each time we expose the harm, it is my personal wish that each time we demonstrate our own bravery, that we help a young person who is struggling. To know that they can stay alive, that they have a right to not be bullied, to be all of who they are without fear, to have fulfilling lives with love and joy. It is our duty and responsibility...to stand up...not only for ourselves but for all the young ones who are hoping, praying, suffocating in their fear and silence...for it to just get better.

So yes, anyone has the right to eat at CFA...just know the harm that they do...with each...and...every bite....

"The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice." Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

I do hope you'll join all the good folks who will stand for EQUALITY at a Chik-Fil-A near them on August 1st. I'll be at the one on Markham in Little Rock, AR.

And They Call it Puppy Love

Silently we drive, miles and miles of nothing between departure and destination. The air is shimmering between us with the heat of all that has been said and the threat of what is yet to be said. The radio is playing an oldie, Donnie Osmond crooning about Puppy Love. But puppies don’t love here and hitch hikers wouldn’t ride here preferring the desert to the sweltering hell of our demise. Tires eating highway flashing past the window, sun as bright as white. Cactus, dirt and more dirt and how these barren mounds could be called mountains escape me. I’m yearning for the lush green of eastern hills, yearning for the verdant forest that was us. The barren landscape fosters thoughts of insanity, maybe murder, could be suicide when suddenly rescue looms on the horizon. Standing guard over this asphalt ribbon an ancient, weathered, stumbling abstract of the shiny Shells, Valeros and Texacos. The flying red Pegasus on the sign long past days of flights of fancy, rusty gas pumps lying in wait for the next thirsty stranger come limping in. The old man sitting out front cracks his face wide apart in a smile of anticipation, be it company, income or both. Switching off the engine I go and open the trunk and claim my suitcase. She’s standing outside the car now, impatient to know how long I have been crazy. I kiss her cheek, pressing the keys in her hand and I tell her she’ll have to go on without me. Pleas, entreaties, anger and obscenities I stand serene watching as finally she relents pulling away in a violent rooster tail spray of gravel. The Donnie Osmond song is looping in my head. And yeah, they call it puppy love, but puppies grow up and sometimes they don’t love you anymore when they do. 

6-14-12 (c) Romo

Disclaimer: This is not about anyone. I'm exploring prose poetry. Sometimes, well quite often, we writers just make stuff up...lol. 

Mic Check for the Gate Keepers

Any who claim that their work is in the name of justice must be held accountable to remember that justice does not mean "just us" it means ALL OF US! The work of social change is not for the few and/or those with access to greater privilege and resources. It is not acceptable for “gatekeepers” to decide who passes through the doorways of social justice work with acceptable forms of oppression and/or expression of their resistance to injustice.

When told once more to “wait” by those who call themselves allies to the LGBTQ community or those who are members of the LGBTQ community I am reminded of Dr King’s words in his letter from Birmingham, "Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. We are caught in an inescapable network of mutuality, tied in a single garment of destiny. Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly. Never again can we afford to live with the narrow, provincial "outside agitator" idea."

To silence voices out of fear of what others will think within the realm of social justice work allows the purveyors of injustice to prevail. It allows myths and stereotypes to reign as truths. And the hearts of those told once more to “wait” crack a little wider and a little bit deeper. When Dr King was asked to wait he responded thus, “For years now I have heard the word "Wait!" It rings in the ear of every Negro with piercing familiarity. This "Wait" has almost always meant "Never." We must come to see, with one of our distinguished jurists, that "justice too long delayed is justice denied."

I do not claim that our reason for struggle as LGBTQ people is the exact experience as that of African-Americans. There are many vast differences in our experiences here in America. But what is indisputably the same is that simply for being who we are; our humanity has been consistently denied, we have been attacked verbally and physically by pulpits, legislators, bullies and murderers, we must always size up a space and assess its “safeness”, we struggle with employment, housing, medical care and public accommodations, we too have suffered the creation of special laws made to intentionally disenfranchise us and despite our birthright as citizens we are denied full access and responsibilities under the laws of our country.

The frustrations voiced by Dr. King concerning those who called for him to wait, those who wanted him to work only within the “system” these sentiments echo within every fiber of my being as a queer woman working for equality. My tolerance for those asking me to wait, not rock the boat, not upset others in social justice work by asking for LGBTQ inclusion, and to work only within the good old boy system have been ground to dust. There is room for all of our voices, all of our needs. There always has been enough for us all. Ultimately the exclusion of some of us from the tables of justice serves only those who prosper from our internal dissent.  

We must have those difficult conversations within the realms of the social justice arena here in Arkansas. It is by sharing these hard talks, by learning about who we are as people and not "those" people" we better understand our common humanity. We learn that that we move forward together for the good of all. And just as importantly we must hold our own LGBTQ gatekeepers accountable as well. We all bring something to the table. All of our efforts matter and the sooner we get that, the better we will be able to work with and for our beloved communities.

Amor y Guerra

I’m resting in that sacred place of memories where good and bad and fucking wonderful have all staked out little casitas in my brain marking their turf on my heart, flickering right behind these old soul brown eyes that could always see you, could always see

I rub the back of my neck where my trensa used to hang in a straight black rope that tied my india self to my white gurl self my boi self as you used to pull my hair together so tightly deftly weaving together the strands of magic that made this warrior’s heart beat harder stronger

You member that early morning. finally the plane landed and there you were. there I was. there we were so uncertain. so afraid and so brave. fierce were we as we leapt over chasms of geography and change dancing to unknown melodies that had your name thumping in the base line. my name riffing as a power chord and both of our names pounding to the drum beat of anticipation. excitement. finally – at last

We swirled together all blood tears heart hurt passion sweeter than ice cream harder than razor blades your blue black hair a curtain we laid under as we whispered hopes and dreams of Mariposa and through it all we drank the bitter wine of loss that gave us both cirrhosis of the heart a deathly indigestion that never went away no matter what day time week month year

These memories like sea glass all burnished by waves tossed up on the shore where I pick through them smiling and laughing some threaten tears and still I look at the us that was. the us that ended. the all of us I gather up all of these tesoros so tenderly held and breathe through. remembering loss. the end. the last day I push some of the old ones over. elders in need of rest clearing the shelf to make way for all the new memorias yet to be made to fill these shelves to burn bright as my own sun sets between the mountains of this beautiful life that was all the more so because I hold memorias of you… por siempre