Half Past Love

This watch

tells time

decorates

my wrist

weighty

in its gold

and silver

presence

but it’s neither

jewelry nor

timekeeper

it’s forgiveness

the first taste

of understanding

its an exhale

a moment

when I knew

that my mother

truly saw me

when shopping

one day she

took me - her

only daughter

to the counter

where men

shop for watches

and helped me

pick out this

watch that tells

time very well

both hands

pointing

right at

love thirty...

Truthful Tuesday at the Arkansas Capitol - LGBTQ Equality

On May 9, 2014 we saw what no one had thought possible in Arkansas for many years yet to come….the tangible first steps of marriage equality. In the time between the initial ruling and the AR Supreme Court’s issued stay while the case is pending an appeal, over 500 AR couples obtained legal marriage licenses. Many couples not only were able to legally celebrate their love for one another, they were also able to amend their children’s birth certificates allowing both parents to be legally recognized as such. It was a heady and wonderful time to see this series of events occurring that quite honestly, I could have never guessed at or hoped for as a young dyke coming out in the early 1970’s.

This case is important beyond the scope of couples wishing to marry. This case is now a historical account of how we Arkansans just like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz have always had the power!

Many scoffed at Cheryl Maples when she filed this case almost on the heels of the Windsor case in the United States Supreme Court that struck down Section 3 of the Defense of Marriage Act. I personally felt that Arkansas was much further behind than the other states in regard to marriage equality. I was wrong.

Cheryl Maples with her co-counsel Jack Wagoner had no support financially or otherwise from any outside national organizations, they all too believed that Cheryl and company were tilting at windmills. They were wrong too!

And this is our lesson as Arkansans - that together we can make the changes for the equality that we need, the equality that by virtue of our birthright and our country’s constitution would seem to demand. We are required to pay taxes to a state and country that does not embrace, respect or include us in the access to equal rights and protections the same way as our fellow Arkansans and Americans are treated.  This. Is. Wrong. Before we are Arkansans, we are human beings, before we are our racial or ethnic group identities, we are human beings, before we are men or women or agendered we are human beings, before we are Americans we are human beings.

A lot has been made of the term choice by those who oppose our equality, claiming that we chose to be LGBTQ people. The reality is that the vast majority of the LGBTQ community do not choose their sexual orientation or gender identity, it is simply who we are, as inherent as our other biological traits, like the color of our eyes. What is true however, is that the people who hurt LGBTQ people with discriminatory laws and policies and those who go even further and physically attack, maim and even murder us do in fact CHOOSE this behavior. No one is born to hate, no one is born being homophobic or transphobic. Yet, from the pulpit and the legislature we continue to be attacked, keeping our communities on the defenseive trying to stop or undo these attacks. And while we may yet find ourselves forced to play a little more defense, it is time to take a stand and go on offense! To stand up and fight together for our rights!

Marriage equality is a wonderful thing for the couples who desire this right. But there are a lot of LGBTQ Arkansans for whom marriage is not an option; not old enough, haven’t met the right one, don’t care to marry, etc. Additionally for those who do marry, your marriage license does not protect you and your family in regard to employment, housing or access to public accommodations. LGBTQ Arkansans are not included in the state or national civil rights laws. Our LGBTQ youth in AR are still experiencing bullying in their schools and too many times it is school personnel who are doing the bullying.

We must also remember that if you are LGBTQ and your identity intersects with poverty, being a person of color, youth, immigrant, transgender, living with HIV, etc. then your struggle as an LGBTQ person is further compounded with the systemic difficulties that are associated with these identities.

The time is right now for LGBTQ people and our allies to continue this momentum and to address these inequalities. We. Ourselves. LGBTQ Arkansans and our amazing allies! We must create the change we so desperately need to obtain full equality under the law.

At CAR we have been working for some time with allies to build the relationships and the foundation to be a part of moving forward for this very equality. As a founding member of the Arkansans for Human and Civil Rights we have four priorities:

• Non-partisan electoral work
• Expanding the impact and efficacy of the Racial Profiling Task Force
• “Add the Words” campaign to amend the Arkansas Civil Rights law to include sexual   orientation and gender identity
• Creating a Civil Rights Commission entity for Arkansas - We are one of only three states that do not have one

The “Add the Words” campaign along with the creation of a civil rights commission not only has the potential to provide the LGBTQ community with equal rights and protections, but our efforts will support the many Arkansans who are currently included in the state’s civil rights law little means to address the civil rights violations that they encounter.

So I say to you gathered here today and all across this beautiful state that I have come to call home, the state that I love so much, where I live and raised a child. It is because of this love that I ask of you all to remember, burn this into your hearts….It is time! It is time! It is time! To….Stand up! Stand up! Stand up! Our rights will not magically appear, we must stand up and refuse to take no for an answer.

It’s coming, the South is moving. We witnessed a tremendous piece of history that was made here on May 9^th, Arkansas! The first Southern state to have a legal same sex marriage, quite a few of them in fact!

But! We are not done, we have seen what is possible and we now know that NOTHING is impossible! To the state of Arkansas and its good people, remember, we are your family, your friends, your neighbors, your co-workers and more. We too! Are Arkansas! And we are coming for our rights! Full equality! Nothing less!

Hell Froze Over in Arkansas - Again

Recently Arkansas saw a whirlwind of same sex couples rushing to courthouses around the state in an effort to enter into the bonds of matrimony with their significant other. Afraid that the courts will stay the issuance of marriage licenses, couples have had to hurry their weddings with little or no time to bring together their family and friends.

Dee Dee Coleman and Freeman Toniah - Just Married

I personally know many of these couples. My heart is filled with joy at their happiness at being able to engage in what is an American, nay, a worldwide cultural tradition. One that has been taught to us our entire childhood - that you will meet that special someone, fall in love and one day marry them. But then we grew up and discovered that if the special someone we met and fell in love with was of the same gender then it didn't really mean us.

When we came to understand this it was a painful discovery on multiple fronts. Not only could we not engage in the marriage ceremonies that were reminiscent of those we had grown up seeing all of our lives, we would also be denied all of the legal rights associated with marriage. It meant that the 1,138 civil laws that are attached to marriage are not for us, it meant that we couldn't be listed as joint parents when we have children as a couple - causing multiple parenting difficulties, it meant that we couldn't access the benefits of marriage that are provided for many employees and their spouses, it meant that we needed complicated and expensive legal documents to protect our property and family in the event one of us fell ill, or worse yet died, and it meant that despite paying the same tax dollars - we would be denied full civil and human rights.

Being denied the rights of marriage reinforces all of the rhetoric of homophobia that has made too many of our fellow Arkansans believe that it is okay to harm us with law, words and deed.  Throughout our lives we are bullied in school and even into our adult years. It is more than likely that a great many of us will suffer some form of physical harm to ourselves and/or our property. Some of us will be disowned, kicked out of our homes and far too many of us will not make it through.

The inequities that LGBTQ people face in Arkansas as well as many other parts of the country don’t stop with marriage. We are vulnerable regarding employment, housing and accessing public accommodations because we are not included in the civil rights laws of this nation, nor this state. If we are any combination of people of color, poor, transgender, immigrant, youth, or elders then our disenfranchisement as LGBTQ people is compounded by institutional oppression that squeeze our lives even harder.

The mistreatment of the LGBTQ community has been deeply rooted in political gain by those who have cloaked their avarice in scripture and holy water. They have continued to render us as an “other” - to be feared and denied equality. The reality is that the only real fear is that which LGBTQ people endure. Fear is an integral part of our lives, sometimes front and center, other times lurking in the background because you never know when someone will target you with word, law or deed. Yet despite these many struggles and barriers, we live our lives with courage and hope, for it takes fortitude to live in a world that denies you at every turn. We continue to fall in love, create our families and live and work in our communities.

As I watch the events unfolding around marriage equality my heart feels as if it will burst from all of the happiness. Couples, some with their children, laughing and smiling, saying “I do.” Tears pouring freely because at last they are able to wed, gaining all of the emotional and practical well-being that this brings to their family.

The courts will have another go before it’s all finalized in regard to marriage equality. To be sure there will sadly be those who will continue to vilify us and actively seek to deny our access to equality, using our lives and families as political footballs.

However, I am hopeful that as Arkansas bends, however grudgingly, toward the end of the moral arc of justice that our equality is within reach. It is long past the time for Arkansas to embrace all of its residents and remove the multiple barriers to full inclusion. And we as a state will ultimately be the better for it. Because we in the LGBTQ community are as we have ever been - your family, friends, co-workers and neighbors. We too are Arkansas.

When the Music Plays

When I hear

Santana

I know what

the music

smells like

as it dances

across

sweet brown skin

slipping and

flowing into

that warm

drowning place

where the valley

begins

and the moon

shines

bright

enough

to light

up the sun

The Expected of Unexpected Flights

Among a snowbank

of hospital blankets

she lay as still

and as small as

I’d ever seen

this giant of a woman

who would forever be

my greatest love

my worst adversary

my ultimate teacher

my most wounded heart

my everything…

my mother

Her heart it seems

tried to dubstep

not so good it appears

if you’re all of 77

so there she lay

sleeping off the happy

shot of the heart cath

while I tried to slow

the galloping terrors

that my own heart

insisted upon riding

from the moment the

call came to me as

I sat at my desk over

900 miles away from

the scene of her heart’s

misadventure that

had detoured

her planned excursion

to Sonny’s bar-b-q

her favorite place

for ribs

I stroked her hair that

was no longer the shade

of black that had often

seemed to be blue

in some winks of light

now with the years

becoming a crown

of elder's grey

I wanted to climb into

the very bed with her

to calm my roiling fears

to reassure us both

that it would be alright

instead I stood with her

hand wrapped in mine

She awoke at my touch

and admonished me

for having come so far

insisting that she was

more than fine that it

had only been a hiccup

but I knew I saw it in her

eyes what it meant that

I was there that I wanted

to be right there

We've a complicated

story - she and I

one of gargantuan

mistakes and almost

irreconcilable offenses

filled with unimaginable

pain and longing that

that in times past I’d

never dared to hope that

we’d recover from it all

yet somehow…we did

albeit in our twilight

My mom and I are

a testimony to the power

of the heart and its

ability to heal against

insurmountable odds

I reminded myself of this

as I leaned in and

kissed her cheek

and I told her

“Hey pretty gurl

don’t you worry

we got this”

                                                                                                                     Randi M. Romo (c) 2/2014

Treats Without the Tricks...

Recently I arrived at the conclusion that I can no longer attend Halloween parties. I fear that to continue to do so will cause an aortic combustion that could either kill me; or leave me a rutabaga or will cause me to abandon my principles of non-violence. Quite frankly, I don’t look good in orange jump suits. I am not tall enough nor thin enough to pull them off and the color does nothing for my complexion. And I am extremely averse to surrendering my freedom because of the insensitivity, cultural appropriation and the flat out racism of my fellow party goers.

Halloween is an exceptional visualization into the depth of racism that continues to thrive in America. The range of the inappropriate is extensive. Some examples include white people who are wearing Rastifarian hats with yarn dreadlocks, others put on afros and dress up as a “pimp”, inevitably there’s the ubiquitous feather head dress and other Indian attire, and some put a bindi on their forehead and wear saris. There has also been black face this Halloween season, such as that perpetrated by Julianne Hough in her portrayal of Crazy Eyes from Orange is the New Black. Worse yet, in an act so heartless and racist as to be unbelievable, yet we must for it has happened; some are donning black face and hoodies portraying a murdered Trayvon Martin.

There is no rationale that provides for a pass to engage in this behavior. As a Latina, Mexican-American I find all of the above extremely culturally offensive. My ire from a personal perspective is particularly sparked when white people dress up in serapes, sombreros and mustaches as a costume. First of all we do not go around in this caricature of a stereotype - drinking tequila, wearing serapes, sombreros, big mustaches and shaking maracas.

Our food, our clothes, our beer, our tequila, our Frida Kahlo, etc., these are all the things that white people love about Mexicans and Mexican-Americans, everything except us – the people. Our women are eroticized while our men our criminalized and our youth are pushed and shoved into the school to prison pipeline. Despite the fact that farmworkers who are predominately of Mexican origins put the majority of America’s food on the table there continues to be a strong anti-immigrant and anti-“other” opposition to Latinos by many whites in America.

If the average white person understood the history of the relationship between Mexico and America, if they took the time to really learn about and respect our culture, if they really wanted to show respect for the culture, they’d never, ever use it as a costume.

My mother’s family were farmworkers, my mother was a farmworker and for a time I was as well. My mother had two infant brothers die of starvation during the 1930’s. Her family working as farmworkers barely had enough to keep themselves alive. When a mother can’t produce milk because of her own malnutrition, babies die. My mom’s mother died when my mom was 3 years old, because there was no medical care for a poor brown woman who lived in a shack at the edge of the fields.

When my mother was a little girl, she and two of her brothers could not go into the store that was closest to their home, it was whites only. They used to send in her third brother who was much lighter in skin tone than she and the other two brothers. If he wasn’t with them they had to walk miles to the store that they could go into.

When my mom was older she went into “service”, she was a maid for a wealthy white family in Dallas. For many women who have been farmworkers, this is a step up, a way out of the fields. So, my mom cleaned rich people’s toilets and ironed the Mr.’s underwear, because this was the kind of work that was available for a young Mexican-American woman.

When white people appropriate the cultural attire and customs of people of color for costumes or mascots they trivialize the struggles that many have endured at the hands of the institutional racism that is prevalent in this country. They play dress up for fun, play Mexican, Indian, Black, etc. for a day and then take off the costumes and return to their world. Regardless of their own class status they exact a privilege of skin color that will never be available to people of color within the realm of how the structure of race and ethnicity works today. And let me just put this out there. You don’t have to be black to know that wearing black face and pretending to be a murdered black child is wrong, wrong, wrong!

Remember, it’s not the Golden Rule that says to treat people how you want to be treated. The reality is that your cultural and personal experiences are vastly different from those who are people of color. Try on the Platinum Rule, treat others the way that they tell you that they want to be treated.

Finally, not only is it racist, ethnocentric and highly inappropriate to use other folk’s culture for a Halloween costume; it’s lazy. I have seen so many incredible creative costumes that had nothing to do with anyone’s culture, race or ethnic origin. Use your imagination people! You can win better best costume prizes and not risk giving me an aneurysm.

Throwing Babies Out With the Bathwater

Okay. So let me get this straight. The House, the very same group that has shut down the government and refuses to do the job at hand (of passing a budget), has now passed a bill seeking to authorize back pay for all furloughed workers. SERIOUSLY?!

You take the government hostage after not being able to thwart the Affordable Care Act, you put hundreds of thousands of workers out of work, you bring the government's business to a screeching halt, all the while claiming to be the sole party of fiscal responsibility and now you are basically giving furloughed workers a paid vacation to NOT WORK and do their jobs while you continue to hold the country hostage?!!

And once again folks, this is a duly passed law by the United States Congress, which means the Senate AND the House BOTH had to approve it! It has withstood a challenge in the Supreme Court. As with any law there will be those who don't like it. But the bottom line is that it does provide a means for so many more Americans to have access to health care. And yes, it's true, some folks will see their insurance rates go up. The vast majority will not. It's also true, we don't know the scope of this law, as with others, such as Medicaid/Medicare and Social Security there will surely be kinks to work out.

As for cost, maybe if we spent a little less on weapons and wars (almost 800 BILLION annually!) there'd be enough to take care of our country's people and infrastructure. It's been estimated that about 18 BILLION dollars of American money sent to Iraq to help re-build the country has simply disappeared and no one seems to know where it went! And let's not forget that Iraq has cost this country more than a TRILLION, yes I said TRILLION, dollars!! And what if the Republicans focused on job creation and living wages across the board instead of their little pork projects and instead of attacking a program geared to HELP the nation's people??!!

The Republicans have tried to repeal the law FORTY-ONE times within the framework of how our nation's laws are passed and upheld. FORT-ONE times they have failed to stop the ACA. They tried to use the courts to circumvent the law, again FAILED! And now in a last ditch effort to repeal the law or delay it they have taken our country hostage, put hundreds of thousands of people out of work and now want to cost the nation significantly more money by offering to provide back-pay to the very people they put out of work while they continue to paralyze the government!

The media keeps casting this as both parties refusing to negotiate! This is NOT about a negotiation. This is about a party that has members who have tried all legal means to get rid of the ACA and FAILED. They are defying the law making process of this country and the means to overturn disliked legislation, strapping on their six shooters and turning Congress into the Wild West with a take no prisoners mentality.

And last but not least. Here's what I personally think is the most critical thing we cannot lose sight of in this debacle. If the Tea Party faction of the Republican party is allowed to win this, the end of bi-partisanship is here, right now. It's been staggering along already, but this is surely a death knell. These guys don't care how many babies they throw out with the bathwater, they mean to win, by any means necessary. If allowed to win what will they go after next? Notoriously homophobic, anti-choice, anti-labor, anti-poor people, anti-immigrant, etc. WHAT and WHO will they put their sights on next?

Paying furloughed workers is a nice gesture, certainly one meant to hopefully curtail the heat the party is deservedly taking from this stunt. But it is not the answer. We, the American People need you to do your job and pass a clean budget. Period.

No party should be allowed to get away with what these guys are up to! EVER! And we as the American people better step it up calling them out on this.