Well it's been quite a ride of late. Between work and the personal it has been rather traumatic, yet oddly liberating. I have had to let go of some people in my life and I have reclaimed others. New starts, cleaning house on multiple fronts, fresh hurts, old wounds, cultivating inner peace and ultimately...freedom from some of the mental slavery and emotional terrorism that had held me fast.
Some of the shedding has been welcome, necessary and long past due., encouraging growth and renewal. Some of it has been sorrow filled, heartbreaking...yet necessary and long past due. I have said things that needed to be said that I was too afraid to say, I have said things that I can never take back, and all that I said, I meant. Still, I am sad at some of the loss, mourning reverberates throughout my heart. The love remains unblemished, although the reality stands in stark relief. And so I accept this loss and bear the pain of it.
It has all pushed me to rethink my limitations, redefine my boundaries and examine my own concept of my self-worth. I know that I'm carrying 50 pounds of grief around my waist, that has to go as well. I know why it's living there, I only hope that I can get the same clarity in dealing with it as I have with all of the rest of this thing called life and all it brings.
As part of my renewal and movement I have resolved to write more; be it in reflection, commentary, poetry, essays, etc. Whatever comes to mind, this will be my witness, this will be my instrument, this will stand when I am long gone for any who cared that I was ever here.
I'm writing for me...you like it too? Well then that's a bonus!
So glad you're sharing yourself through writing, Randi. I'll be a frequent visitor!
ReplyDeleteBryan